It was a welcome change to our usual routine of grabbing the nearest carbohydrate as we rush out the door. We're both trying to eat healthier, and I'm definitely ready to lose weight.
I love food. Eating is the best. But, the time has come to step back from the buffet. After two babies and six years as a stay-at-home-mom, I've put on more pounds than I care to admit. My plan is to follow the usual advice--healthy, hearty breakfasts (hence the eggs); smaller portions; less sugar and white flour; more movement--and hope that by the end of the year I have more confidence in my appearance.
Here's a look back at my changing weight:
I held a fairly steady, healthy weight through the 2000's (roughly 155 lbs), which spanned ages 15-23. I was as skinny as I've ever been in 2007-2008 (145 lbs). At that time I was snacking on celery and working out 4x a week in preparation for my upcoming wedding (and all its photos). I slept as much as I pleased and had what I now refer to as the 'fun stress' of wedding-planning and finishing up college.
Not long after that the first weight bomb hit--pregnancy. My total weight gain was 50 lbs, and 41.5 lbs of that was Ben & Jerry's. Fortunately for my too-young-to-have-a-baby-but-what-the-hey-let's-do-this self, I surfed back down to my pre-preg weight with zero effort on my part. Then came weight bomb number two--life as a stay at home mom.
I was anxious, isolated, lonely, sleep-deprived like woah, poor, devoid of fun or pleasure, in charge of an extremely rambunctious toddler, and steps away from my fridge all day long. Food was my best friend. I was able to lose a little weight once because I thought my gallbladder was on the fritz, but other than that I was blindsided by life and devoid of motivation. I can now see that, overall, this whole period (2009-2014) was a long bout of postpartum depression. Though I had a few good months here and there, I was mostly miserable.
Weight bomb number three happened in the middle of weight bomb two's continued distruction. I was 30 lbs overweight when I got pregnant with baby #2, and gained a whopping 65 lbs during the pregnancy. I'm happy and shocked to report that, again without trying, I lost almost all of that pregnancy weight--50 lbs of it! However, that still puts me nearly 50 lbs overweight, and that is exactly how much weight I would like to lose.
I'll be honest and say the number one thing holding me back is fear. I doubt myself at every turn, and have both the fear of failing and the fear of succeeding standing in my path. Fear of succeeding? Yes, because deep down I don't want to change. I feel pretty happy with life and myself right now. I don't want to be one of those people who obsesses over calories and takes gym selfies. I don't want to pay that much attention to my appearance, and I'm afraid that I'll have to in order to reach my goal.
What I really want is to be healthy for philosophical reasons:
1. Having the energy and mental peace to be as kind as possible to my family and community.
2. Ending my participation in overindulgence in the midst of a hunger-stricken world.
3. Reducing the possibility that I will become a strain on the healthcare system of my country.
4. Respecting and protecting the vessel (my body) that God entrusted to me.
I'm not sure if the scale will be able to tell me when I arrive at these goals, but I hope I can feel it.
If you're reading this, please pray for my self-discipline and for my body to cooperate with this endeavor.
Food diary:
Eggs w/ slice of colby jack cheese
Coffee
Potato Soup with bacon
Side salad with creamy italian dressing, veggies and croutons
Tea
Handful of goldfish, 1/2 of dairy queen moolatte (the meal of a person strapped in the backseat with two screaming children, obviously)
2 slices of pizza
garden salad, strawberries, pineapple
small-ish brownie (smaller than I would've cut a week ago)
Another slice of pizza and two cheese sticks --- consumed at night, aka diet-train-wreck-time
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